I Say Yes to Me by Janice G Pettigrew

 

 

 

 

Reading  Shonda Rhimes A Year of Yes has only reinforced what I've been sharing with the women I work with. We deserve to say yes to ourselves in our lives and not wait for others to give us the approval. Shona's straight talk laced with a bit of humor encourages the reader to embark on their own personal journey of a Year of Yes. Here is my Journey to Yes

I Say Yes to Me

 

Yes, a simple little word. Yet it holds tremendous power. It is also a word that if you’ve ever experienced shame, heartache, disappointment or even things as domestic violence, abuse or sexual assault the thought of saying yes to new possibilities is nearly impossible.

I speak from my own life experience beginning at the young age of 13. I’ll never forget the excitement of going to the big kid’s school and no longer walking with my sister and brothers to the elementary school. The one thing I didn’t anticipate was the loneliness I felt and the need to be a part of the in-crowd.

I can admit it now as an adult that my desire to be a part of the group placed me in a position that caused me to be ganged-raped. Losing my virginity in such a violent way colored my perception of people both male and female for years afterwards. It was a shame I never told my parents. How could I do it? Well the 13 year old girl said, “It’s my fault”. So I carried the pain and shame like a new best friend.

Fast forward to my early twenties and still I made unwise choices and decisions that again put me in precarious situations resulting in two marriages steeped in domestic violence and abuse. By my late twenties I was very cynical and wary of everyone.  Add to it the fact I was now a single parent trying to raise two rumbustious boys. A recipe for disaster I admit considering my feelings about the opposite sex.

But God, in His infinite Wisdom, Grace and Mercy saw fit to have a very special person enter my life. And although I fought him on every turn eventually my walls began to crumble and a flicker of light peeked through my cloudy gray skies. My greatest obstacle to overcome was UNFORGIVENESS. Once I was able to truly forgive those who had caused me such pain and especially forgiving myself I finally realized I could say YES.

 I could say Yes, I’m worthy to be loved unconditionally.

I could say Yes, to being touched by loving protective hands.

I could say yes, to having eyes filled with love, respect and honor being cast upon me.

I could say Yes, to joy in my heart when my name was spoken from the lips of one who regarded me as a precious and cherished part of themselves.

I could say Yes, to walks in the rain and picnics in the park.

I could say Yes, to growing closer to another person until I couldn’t tell where one ends and the other begins because we’re so in tuned to each other and only want the best for each other.

I could say Yes, to a husband, who when I’m not at my best will come and give me a hug just because.

I can now say Yes, to sunny days and peaceful nights.

I can say Yes, to a faith beyond understanding.

Oh Joy I can now say Yes to cold lemonade, sweet iced tea, homemade ice cream and milk chocolate candy with a surprise inside.

I Say Yes to flowers sent to adorn my desk.

I Say Yes to a gentle kiss upon my forehead that makes my stomach quiver from excitement.

I Say yes to a smile from my husband that warms me to my toes.

Most important of all I say yes, to God’s Love but best of all I say yes, to loving me beyond measure. The lightness of my steps as I walk in this newfound freedom is one I want others like you to achieve as well.  And you can do it. All it takes is the first step and then the next and the next. Before you know it you too can begin to say yes to all of the possibilities that still await you regardless of what has happened before.

Now walk in that Love and watch the positive energy gravitate to you. Say “Yes I deserve this and so much more. I won’t settle for less because today I say yes to me!”

Thank you for allowing me to share in this experience.  I also have a blog called Fresh Start Mondays - https://freshstart4wmn.wordpress.com/